I met my now husband on an internet dating site, he swept me off my feet and we moved into together very quickly (I am 44, never married before – he is 47, I’m his third wife). He was the perfect gent and I fell in love with him. I now believe that I was very naive. He started showing his insecurity very quickly after I had moved in. Checked my phone continually, went through my facebook history and questioned me about every male on my friends list, didn’t want me to go out with my friends or even coffee with girlfriends whilst at work, continually called me to check where I was…..etc He was very honest about his past (so I believe) and told me that he had been very unfaithful to his first wife (has 2 children from affairs) and he was regretful over it. (he has daughter from marriage who doesn’t speak to him). His second marriage fell apart after 7 years – he is named as having affair but he said that it was something that they agreed on to make it simple.

We married 6 months ago and have been together just over a year. I really don’t know where to start! When I was working he was VERY attentive, flowers at least twice a month, presents most weekends and meals out. He always told me that he was so scared of somebody taking me away from him and that was why he was the way he was – that he had never loved anybody like he loved me. I thought that his distrust would settle after the marriage and wanted him to get help – we went for counselling approx 4 times but he said that it wouldn’t work as the counsellor wasn’t that great. We came off facebook together as it just wasn’t worth the hassle. If I didn’t call or text him back straight away I got grief….
We got married in Greece in October 2010 and things were good for a while.
I had the chance of redundancy and we discussed it, he thought it would be a good idea for me to take it, go part-time and we could get a little dog – I agreed as he had so much anxiety over me working in the city that I thought it would reassure him. So I agreed to take it – then he had a heart attack after 5 weeks of marriage which was really worrying. He had a stent fitted and came home where I took 3 weeks off work to look after him (only going back to work for 2 days before my redundancy) He even accused me of leaving him at the hospital to go and meet somebody (I had been there for about 4 hours and left 10 minutes before the bell rang!)
Fast forward to todays date…. for the past three months we have been going through this cycle of hell – approx 2 – 3 days of absolute bliss (holding hands, telling each other we love them) this is normally at the weekends – then he gets tired from work, goes cold on me and continues until I placate him and we agree that we will try again. His mother died last monday and we went up to stay with his family. On returning home last Thursday I told him that it was crap timing but I thought that we would be best going our separate ways…. I left him and went to stay at my mothers. Missed him like crazy, thinking that perhaps he might finally go for counselling (I’ve been asking him for us to go, also for him to go back to doctors for medicine review) and that we could try again when a friend called me to ask for his number…. it turned out that she had been getting weird texts from somebody (she didn’t recognise his number) asking to meet up, referring to a marital affairs website, advising his name and that he had left his family early on thursday to meet up with her, I went around and read all the texts and it was his number….so I confronted him and he claims that it wasn’t him and that somebody has cloned his phone. I went onto the website and there is a person registered with his name, age and details from the same town. It is all black and white but he is still denying it. Keeps ringing me in tears and saying ‘come home, come home’ I would never cheat on you…etc etc. I’m not sure if he has met anybody yet but I do believe that he was laying the foundations…I think that he must have had a few drinks on Friday and texted the wrong name on his mobile not realising that he was texing my friend…..
I am really a good person, have never cheated on anybody in my life and never would, in the past I have walked away from relationships rather than be unhappy, had a good circle of friends, good job and am well travelled but I feel as if I have been manipulated, worked on and have lost a great deal of confidence…..if I re-read this then I think ‘GET THE HELL OUT’ and I really don’t want to weaken and go back to him. Trust is the foundation of any relationship and he has never trusted me – I did him and I am numb with shock over these texts……
This is the first time I have ever gone onto a site and asked for help, advice or guidance….
Michelle
I guess it was a rant….but it was also to get some honest comments. I feel as if I have been brainwashed and I wanted some feedback on the whole situation. I am out of the family home, my rings have been removed and I truly believe that it is over but it is so hard to hear him sobbing down the phone. My friends and family are so supportive but I have to start again – find somewhere to live, get a job and get my mojo back…
Lots of thanks for such positive comments
x

Right the first time Get the HELL OUT !! His own insecurities will keep pushing you farther and farther apart. There really is no hope if he rejects counseling, and he has deep-seated problems that will take years to resolve, if ever.

PS It’s not that he doesn’t love you or THINK he loves you, he’s had these issues longer than he’s had you. You are not and never have been the problem.